


Baldi gets Bullied

by Pixel_Illusion



Category: Baldi's Basics (Video Game)
Genre: Ah I don't know what to tag and I can't even tell if the tags will go through..., Bullying, dereality, slight body horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:53:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28109628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixel_Illusion/pseuds/Pixel_Illusion
Summary: …“I’ve suffered from my bald-ness long enough.”(Based from the video "Baldi gets Bullied": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pb5BkBMT6WA)
Kudos: 4





	Baldi gets Bullied

**Author's Note:**

> Hi this is extremely messy I'm sorry.

…

“I’ve _suffered_ from my bald-ness _long enough_.”

-

“All right, class!”

He looks over the filled seats. In the forefront are the most prominent students - some of the few who have been trapped in this game with him; Playtime and It’s a Bully in the front, Arts and Crafters behind them. The little grey beanpole of a student is hiding somewhere in the back of the class.

“Today, _we’re_ doing _simultaneous equations!_ ”

As he intones the word “simultaneous”, his face blows out around a certain point, as if a funny camera filter were placed right on his nose. The nose and mouth - its inside undistorted, there’s a thing! - take up his whole face, eyes squeezed to the side.

On the word “equations”, his body is seemingly back to normal (with every word his mouth and eyes pull out of just where the face ends. His nose is stretched his outlines quiver, points on his arm moving outward to form spikes).

Oh, how unexcited the children look to learn! Wonderful, just wonderful.

He is going to start their lesson with a simple introduction. Three questions, shouldn’t be too hard for them! And the best one, ooh, the hardest one, the most rewarding one! That, he’s saved for last.

The children will like this lesson.

“Yeah, right!”

Ah, wouldn’t you look at that. It’s a Bully. It’s an already-open mouth opening a bit more and the face yielding, squashing a bit. Animation principles, bitch, do you know them? Squash and stretch, create the illusion of physics, gravity and momentum, everyone! Aren’t you so proud, go on, give them a hand! (It’s a chant, of sorts, to the rhythm of alarm sirens on a fire truck or police vehicle. Baldi wonders what the diddly darn heck a siren, a fire truck, or a police is.)

It’s “Bal-di, Bal-di,” (On the second “Bal-di,” he says with a point and a narrowing of eyes: “That’s _professor_ Baldi to _you_ , _trouble maker_.” And in that time three more “Bal-di”s are squeezed in. Two plus three equals five.)

Pointing is rude. He shouldn’t of (shouldn’t _have_. Grammar, bitch, do you practice it?) done that. It’ll set a bad example for the children, and he takes it as his responsibility to be a good role model! (Hey, look, just behind the students, it’s a comic of him opening a mailbox with his teeth. Good times.)

“Bal-di, Bal-di, Bal—“

No. He shouldn’t have (grammar, bitch, I do practice it - do you?) labelled him “trouble maker”. Not without any further thought. He is a bully. It’s in his name, It’s a Bully, but _he_ is a teacher. He is a professor (it’s not in his name, not really, but he still is one and if a student’s having or causing trouble the least he shall do is to try and help them or find someone else who’ll help them).

Oh and he places both hands on his bald head (Baldi. That’s his name. What of it? What’s so funny?) and they slide down to the sides (sweat drops and cross-eyes but not really cross-eyes, they’re kind of opposite both pointing to both sides, right to the right eye and left to the left eye, these are a few of my favourite things).

A trademark of old rubber hose cartoons is their old little rubber hose arms. They wiggle in ways no arms in real life could or would (real-life? Ain’t _this_ real life? Ain’t it not?) like a sine curve or a cosine curve (bones go _crack_ , tendons go _snap_ , brain goes _brr, brr_ \- microwave sounds, you know?).

He can’t hear the “Bal-di”s anymore. He listens for the monotone that’s the school bully. He listens for the distortion drone of Playtime. He even heard some static-y but not exactly sound from Arts and Crafters (well, if bullying him - is _that_ what they’re doing? - makes them happy when outside their shell…).

Oh and he’s back in the night time somewhere in Here School. There’s an old little bottle in his hand.

-

_Alice, where are you going?_

“Just wait ‘till they see me tommo-row”

(His eyes still bulge, his nose still bends - mostly the curved bottom; maybe there’s an anchor point higher on it.)

_Upstairs, to take a bath—_

Magic Hair-gro Spray. It’s a wonderful little bottle - one of the first things he made when he decided to be an inventor. Use it and hair’s guaranteed to grow wherever it makes contact!

_Alice, with legs like chopsticks, and a neck like a gi— raffe!_

And it tastes good. It has to taste good. Apple, his favourite flavour! Shouldn’t disagree with that oddly crunchy chicken leg residing in his stomach now (and now that he thinks of it, where’s the hairbrush? He’s gonna need it, hopefully, definitely, in a few seconds).

_Alice fell in the bathtub, pulled up the plug, and then…_

He lifts the bottle to his mouth, opened wide to consume. Stuffs it in neatly, tucked behind his teeth and down the hatch. Magic Hair-grow Spray - _guaranteed to sprout hair wherever it makes contact_.

_Oh my goodness, oh, my soul! There goes Alice down the hole!_

The hair grows from within, spurting and blooming like a pretty rose. Before his head bursts, as the first strands of hair have pierced through the skin of his nose, cheeks, forehead, as the holes expand with more hair and the skin between is stretched too thin and splits, he shouts.

_Alice, where are you going?_

_Blub,_

_Blub,_

_Blub!_


End file.
